It's So Hard to Say Goodbye
by YueSoEul
Summary: I won't stop. I won't stop loving you even if this heart stops beating. It's yours, forever, for all eternity. I still love you.


I'm going to put the blame on Tohoshinki and December this time. There are two songs that inspire me to write this version. I felt like stabbing myself for writing it really. So, I apologize in advance for boring anyone with this. I'll revert back to mushy soon enough. By the way, this is the sort-of sequel to "This Is The Way I Love You", I'd recommend you to read that first or else it would probably wouldn't make any sense – or maybe it would. **One-shot**!

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When morning started, he never knew the day would end the way it did. It was a great day, life was back on track and even when he was living half a life, he was doing his best to move forward. He had to live, there was so much that he was responsible for. It had taken him everything to let go, he was not going to go back regardless how painful it was. He was So Yi Jeong, the current head of the So family. He had to be responsible of many lives under the So family business and he could not afford to lost sight of what was important. He had to continue living for that, at least for that he had to keep on fighting. At the very least, he was getting better that fooling himself.

"You really need to stop pampering him," A woman's voice disrupt his the little bubble he had created with the six year old before him. He looked up to see his first love walking towards him. He had let her go many years ago. It had been difficult, but he had let her go and he was now happier with her in his life as his sister-in-law. The road back to a decent relationship had been quite an adventure. Luckily for Yi Jeong, the arrival of his favourite and only nephew changed it. He never knew he would like children, but his nephew had changed his view. "He's my nephew, it's my job to pamper him," Yi Jeong fired back cheekily, the young boy on the other hand was too busy with the new collection of games brought by Yi Jeong to care of the conversation between his uncle and his mother.

"Let him Eun Jae, he's used to getting things his way," A man appeared with a tray in his hand. It was late in the evening and it was one of those Mondays where he would close the shop to be with his family. Yi Jeong had played a big part of it, always making time for them despite his busy schedule. "Yah! Hyung," Yi Jeong protested but he didn't get far when the six year old boy flail around to get a cup of drink from his father. "Chang Min, what did I tell you about manners?" Eun Jae scolded her son. "Don't scold the boy," Yi Jeong stated, reaching for a tea cup and placed it before his nephew. He saw Eun Jae sighing in annoyance. "We'll never discipline him with an uncle like you," She stated exasperatedly. Yi Jeong managed a smile; he enjoyed the small banter around his family. That was right, _his family. _It was as good as it was going to get and he was alright with it.

The three adults let the silence filled in as they watched Chang Min continued fiddling around. It was Christmas Eve and it had become somewhat of a thing for Yi Jeong to stop by. Only, it was the first year he had come alone and stayed longer. Il Hyun sighed as he watched his younger brother's smiling face. It felt like Yi Jeong was slipping away into his own sadness regardless of how much he was trying to convince the world he was fine. "So, Ga Eul's married, when's your turn?" Il Hyun said, he didn't mean to pry, but he cannot stand by and watch his bother wasted his life away. He knew that Yi Jeong had gone through more than any man should. If it was up to him, Il Hyun would have done something, but Yi Jeong had been stubborn, he was Yi Jeong after all.

Yi Jeong cringed at the question. None of his friend had ever asked him that particular question. It had been over a year and Ga Eul had recently welcomed her first child, hers with another man, not his. "I'm not made for long term relationships," Yi Jeong replied jokingly. He knew he had to shake off the topic quickly. Everyone had been walking around on eggshells. He had appreciated their concerns, but it was driving him crazy when they wouldn't even talk about Ga Eul in front of him. He was thankful that at least his brother wasn't like that. Even Eun Jae had given up on worrying over him and Ga Eul. They knew better, Ga Eul was always with him and for the longest time both his brother and sister-in-law had thought that he would end up married to Ga Eul. It was funny how things turned out differently.

"You know, I could always introduce you to one of my students," Eun Jae offered. She had not interfered with Yi Jeong's life. Her love for him had fade over time, replaced by sisterly affection. She had hoped more than anything that Yi Jeong could be happy. It didn't seem fair that he was living the life he did. "What?" Yi Jeong said, surprised. He must have looked pretty pathetic that even Eun Jae was offering to help him get dates. He had to fix that and fast. "I'd hate to say this, but I am a world renowned Casanova, I can get any girl I want," He added cockily accompanied with a mischievous grin. Eun Jae couldn't help but chuckle at the statement, _yes, any girl but the one you truly loved_, she thought silently. "Yeah, out-of-practice Casanova," Il Hyun butted in, causing Yi Jeong to cringe.

"Well, I would have had more time if you'd just come back and help me with the family business," Yi Jeong fired back at his brother. Il Hyun smiled broadly. It was not the first time Yi Jeong had brought up the issue. It had been five years since Yi Jeong took over the family business completely. He had done a wonderful job at it, more than Il Hyun could ever accomplished and he was not ashamed to admit that his brother was better than him. "Well, as you can see, I have my own business to run," Il Hyun stated, once again declining Yi Jeong's offer. "Right, if you say so," Yi Jeong replied, nodding as his attention once again turned to his nephew. "No, not that, you have to press this button to make it jump," He said, pointing out at Chang Min as the boy worked out the portable game in his hand.

Yi Jeong woke up with a start, it was a new year, and it had been even before he had fallen asleep. It was another sleepless night for him. In his dream this time, he had asked for her hand and she had accepted. He had dream of a life with her and it was perfect. Her smiling face, the sound of her laughter, it lingered, tugging on his heart that he could not help but cringe in pain. He had let her go, so, why was it that it was still so hard to go through the day without her on his mind? Yi Jeong sighed; he reached for his cellphone by the bed, flipping it open to find a picture of him and her during their last vacation together with their friends. He wasn't a masochist, he kept telling himself that. He just didn't know how to erase her from his life.

It was never meant to be, he kept telling himself that as well. He and Ga Eul would only end in disaster. He cannot hurt her that way. But, he cannot deny how much pain he was in either, he wanted to see her, her face, her smile. He had wished so hard that he could go back, in his dream he did. In his dreams, he had stopped her from leaving him in the coffee shop. In that dream, he had kissed her senseless and held her close. In that dream as well, it was their wedding day, their first anniversary, their family. It was so easy in the dream, he could have it all. He had her in those dreams; it felt so real that when he woke up, he had a hard time adjusting to reality.

The sudden ring of his cellphone startled him, nearly causing him to drop the device. Woo Bin's name flashed across the screen. It must have been something important for him to call in the middle of the night or maybe like always, Woo Bin was checking up on him. He can't blame any of his friends for worrying, he had changed a lot and it wasn't hard to miss. His life was focused solely on work and when he wasn't working, he would be at his studio, still working. It was as if running a museum didn't keep him busy enough. His last exhibition was the talk of the art world and he had once again become the center of attention. The young and talented, not to mention handsome and very eligible potter who happened to the heir to the So family. He had lost count on how many girls that had flocked around him to show their interest.

A long heavy sigh escaped Yi Jeong's lips as he flipped open his cellphone to answer the call. "Yes," He didn't even try to hide his irritation. He knew he might cause his friend some level of uneasiness, thinking that he had probably woken him up, but, he didn't care. He was just wallowing in self-pity and Woo Bin dared to pull him out of it. He knew he should be thankful instead, but, he didn't care. It was a new year and he wasn't going anywhere fast. He was successful in the eyes of everyone, but, he felt like a failure. Every each one of his friends was married, even the infamous Don Juan had settled down. That had to say something about him.

"Did I wake you?" Woo Bin voice came through the line, he sounded slightly apologetic and Yi Jeong caught Jae Kyung's small voice nagging under her breath as well. The two had been checking up on him rather religiously, as if they were expecting him to go over the edge. Ji Hoo was pretty much the same, only he was a little bit more discreet and Ha Ni wasn't close enough to the F4 to be that worried over Yi Jeong's behaviour. "I was asleep," Yi Jeong replied coldly. What else would he be doing at five in the morning? Just because Woo Bin was married to an eternal energizer bunny and had learned to wake up at the wee hour in the morning, he had somehow expected Yi Jeong to be up as well.

No. That wasn't it. Yi Jeong recalled it was still the first of January, which meant it was the night of the first day of the New Year. Woo Bin was expecting him to still be up partying only he wasn't, he hadn't felt like partying for a while now. The few of which he had attended was because he had to keep up his appearances. These days, even he noticed how he would rather stay home or work. "I'll let you go back to sleep, but Jae Kyung wanted to know if you'd join everyone for a picnic this week," Woo Bin trailed. Yi Jeong could only groan. _That can't wait until after at least ten? _His head was screaming in annoyance, but he kept his cool.

It took Yi Jeong a while to come up with an answer, the last thing he wanted was to be the odd member out, and still, he enjoyed the company of the F4 children. Apparently, Ga Eul had infected him with the disease. "No, I don't think I'd be able to," He declined politely. He wanted some time alone; he was beginning not to mind the loneliness. "Yah!" Jae Kyung's voice boomed through the phone, causing Yi Jeong to almost drop it. "Damn it!" He cursed. "I will not take no for an answer!" Jae Kyung's voice boomed again through the phone. Yi Jeong could only sigh. He should hate the woman for pushing him around, but, he doesn't. He understood that Jae Kyung was worried, just as everyone around him. "Fine..." He admitted his defeat. It can't be that bad, he would probably spend the days playing with Woo Bin's three year old son anyway.

"You're mad; can't you at least wait out for the rain to stop?" Ji Hoo argued as Yi Jeong pulled his jacket on. "Can't, I still have some paperwork for next week exhibition to look through," Yi Jeong stated easily. He didn't realized how he had managed to spend longer than an hour at the hospital, just talking to Ji Hoo. It was nice to catch up with Ji Hoo. There was something comforting being around Ji Hoo. There was no worried glance, no apologetic look, just plain old conversation. They would talk about work, their lives, his children and then how the four of them never get together anymore. They had all grown up; they have their own lives to lead.

"You're coming to the picnic this weekend, right?" Ji Hoo asked easily, stopping Yi Jeong in his tracks. The young doctor was blessed; he was happy and had found his own love, thinking of it made Yi Jeong quite envious. He could have had what Ji Hoo had, if he was just a little braver. "Of course, I'd rather not taste the wrath of Jae Kyung," He replied easily, pulling his coat slightly higher. He should have parked the car inside the building, but the day was sunny earlier, he decided that it wouldn't be so bad to park it in the open space. Boy, how wrong he was. Yi Jeong waved his friend goodbye before running towards his parked car.

Yi Jeong stirred in his sleep when he felt a small arm slung across his waist. He opened his eyes slightly, catching the sight of dark-hair covering a small face. Slowly, he reached for it, pushing it back gently. The woman stirred in her sleep but did not wake up, the sight of her was so peaceful he couldn't help but sigh. "Ga Eul-yang..." He called softly, placing a soft kiss on top of her hair. Contented, He closed his eyes back, letting sleep took him.

**_SO YI JEONG KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT_**

Seoul – The infamous Potter prodigy and the heir of the So family; So Yi Jeong (32) was killed in a fatal car accident yesterday...

Ga Eul fell to her knees when she heard the news. She could no longer hear Jan Di's voice from the end of the line. It can't be, she doesn't want to believe it. He can't be gone. He was too alive to be gone. All she could hear was his voice and all she could see was his face. _I should have stayed by his side. _Her heart cried as tears rolled down her cheeks. _I should have stayed..._

The mood was solemn as Jun Pyo, Ji Hoo, Woo Bin and Il Hyun carried the casket containing the lifeless body of Yi Jeong into the van. They were sending him on one last trip. Tears were streaming down their faces. Behind them, their family and friends followed. There were no words, nothing could be said. Just a goodbye...

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Originally posted on "Lovers Unparalleled" 24th January 2012


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